14 Signs of trust issues and how to get rid of them.
Trust is an essential bond needed for the construction of not only romantic relationships but also friendships and healthy family bonds.
Trust can be likened to a mirror that depends on how badly it is broken to be fixed, just like a mirror when trust is broken it can only be fixed to an extent. The mirror cannot entirely be fixed, the cracks can still be seen on the mirror.
Many quotes and proverbs have proven that trust is very important in the growth of every relationship shower in our world today we observe that it is very difficult for most people to trust anyone due to the broken trust they experienced in their older relationship.
Building trust is a huge emotional undertaking that involves lots of mental and emotional strength and this isn’t an easy task. Trust encompasses a lot of time, commitment and above all vulnerability.
Trusting someone is like holding your heart in your hands and placing it in the care of someone with the utmost belief that they will take proper care of it.
Most times we made mistakes and entrust our hearts to the wrong people, they treat our hearts carelessly like it is one of the most sensitive organs in the body.
When someone’s trust is broken, they begin to ask questions like “Am I being a fool if I trust again? will I be hurt again?” and in a bid to prevent themselves from further hurt they shut people out. They refuse to feel vulnerable and never want to feel helpless, hurt or betrayed.
Everyone wants to experience love from their partners, families and friends, they want a strong support system that they can trust to share their life challenges with.
How can you enjoy all these privileges when your heart is filled with pain, hurt and past betrayals. If you wish to experience love and attract a strong support system, you must be willing to rid yourself of trust issues.
In this post, you will find out what it means to have trust issues and how to deal with trust issues.
What does it mean to have trust issues?
Inability to believe the words or actions of others, complete distrust in people despite the sincerity and assurance of their words are all characters displayed by people who have trust issues.
The perfect description of an individual suffering from trust issues is someone who is scared to talk to people about their worries, who is constantly on the lookout for future betrayals and loathes the idea of communicating with people because they see it as a trap to extract their private information and spill it to a third party.
An individual with trust issues finds it difficult to believe others as they constantly anticipate betrayal, rejection and humiliation.
Most trust issues arise from childhood trauma for instance when a very close and trusted friend who knows almost all your secrets suddenly neglects you to start hanging out with other kids this could damage your self-worth and make you feel like you don’t deserve friends.
It might take a long while before you are able to successfully make another close friend but despite your closeness, you might not trust this friend with your secrets as you believe that they too might leave you.
How can trust be built?
Trust is like a mirror, when broken the cracks remain visible despite the adhesive you use to put it back together.
Erik Erikson a developmental psychologist proposed a theory, in his theory he stated that in the first eighteen months of infancy (one year and six months), a baby learns to trust those caring for him and fulfilling his basic needs for food, shelter, comfort and love this is the first stage in trust development. It is known as the primary stage and foundation for building trust.
When an infant grows to the age of a teenager they start keeping friends who they confide in and trust with their secrets, you might be wondering why this happens
This is because they have started developing a sense of security amongst their friends, this feeling of security is known as trust. This is the secondary stage of trust building.
The last and final stage of trust building occurs in adulthood, at this stage trust level is influenced by the different experiences we have encountered. These experiences either strengthen or weaken the level of our trust.
Trust can be ruined at any stage of trust development, parents should be cautious about the way they train their kids because they can ruin their trust at that early stage of their lives.
What causes trust issues
Trust issues can be caused by childhood traumas, negative past experiences in adulthood and abusive relationships. Listed below are several causes of trust issues;
Neglect: This is mostly evident in the first stage of trust development according to Erik Erikson when a child is neglected by their parents from infancy they turn their attention to the person that provides them with all the needed attention they may need.
For example, if an infant receives care, food and attention from his or her nanny instead of their parents, they tend to start depending on the nanny for their basic amenities hence the trust they have in their nanny grows stronger than the trust they have on their parents.
Violence: Violence is another cause of trust issues, it could be parental violence or relationship violence. When teenagers trust their parents with certain things, and they end up been beaten for saying their minds, they end up not trusting their parents enough to tell them certain things about themselves.
A lot of people who suffer from violent partners or parents feel scared to be in a close relationship with anyone, they doubt the ability of people to love a person without physically hurting them.
A person who has trust issues as a result of violence needs to learn to forgive those that hurt them, forgive themselves for being so weak to stand up for themselves and also put off the feeling that everyone they meet will be violent.
Loss of loved ones: The lives of so many people have been negatively affected after the death of a loved one, it is really hard to lose the ones we love especially when they know almost all our secrets.
It is normal to feel bad and withdraw from society when you lose a trusted family member or friend and most people cannot cope with the loss. Some people develop trust issues when they lose their loved ones, they feel scared to keep close friends or fall in love as they believe that it will be taken away from them.
Illness: This is common among people with terminal diseases who were constantly bullied because of the disease, they feel like all the world has to offer them is pitiful stares, questionable gazes and loads of “sorry”
When some people are seriously ill, they find it difficult to believe that people genuinely love or care for them, they push friends and potential lovers away from their lives.
Assault: This is a serious cause of trust issues between a girl and the opposite sex. Most people trust someone who ends up assaulting them or even deceiving them and putting them in the hands of their predators.
Abuse: Abuse is very capable of causing trust issues in an individual, someone that suffers from an abusive relationship views the world as a battlefield where the strong(predators) survives and the weak are preyed upon.
When an abused person gets out of an abusive relationship, they build a mental shell and retract into it in order to protect themselves from the wild and dangerous predators seeking to devour them.
4 major signs of trust issues
Most people exhibit these signs which they feel are protective measures that keep them away from feeling hurt or reliving the feeling of a broken trust all over again.
1.Afraid of making friends: If you are constantly in the habit of pushing people away because you feel like they are potentially capable of hurting you, that is a wrong conception.
The fact that someone hurt you a few years ago doesn’t mean that everybody you meet will eventually hurt you.
Good friends exist, they add spice to life, they help you when you are weak, joke with you, pester and annoy you but you still love them. Don’t push people away from your life because someone broke your trust, learn to forgive yourself, free yourself from the hurt and enjoy your life.
Constantly in search of a lie: If you have ever had that over-inquisitive friend or partner who keeps pestering you with a lot of questions about a past event for example you were invited to a party but you refused to tell your friend/partner about it because they always have lot of excuses to keep both you and themselves from attending the party.
You went for the party alone without telling them, hours into this party, you discovered that your phone has 5 missed calls from your friend/partner, you searched for an empty bathroom and returned the call.
While discussing, your friend asked about your whereabouts and you lied telling them that you were at home. A week after the event you noticed that your friend keeps making suggestive sentences that point back to the party.
It is obvious that your friend did not believe you and has never believed anything you ever said. This friend or partner of yours has trust issues.
I’m not saying that telling lies is a good character, I’m just trying to point out that people with trust issues always believe that you are lying to them about something and they keep probing till they find out how true or wrong they were about you.
In constant need of reassurance: Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner always uses the following words whenever you had a little break in communication?
- Don’t you love me anymore?
- Don’t I matter to you?
- Do you still love me?
- I thought you said you love me?
- I should never have believed you.
Of course, these words can be used in other contexts but for the purpose of this text, they are strictly related to trust issues. When you have a fight with your partner or friend you could use these words while communicating with them this is completely different when compared with a person who has trust issues.
Someone with trust issues needs more assurance and despite how many times you tell them that you love them, it never seems to be enough. They do not believe what you say so they constantly need to be reassured about your feelings for them.
Lacks effective communication: A person with trust issues has serious communication problems, they believe that whatever they say can be used to hurt them so they prefer to hold in everything. They don’t share their problems, they never speak about themselves, they are very cautious about any word they say.
Being conscious of what you say is not wrong but when it is done excessive (restricting important information about yourself from your partner till they hear if from another source). Communication helps to resolve certain problems that couples face, how do you resolve issues when you cannot effectively communicate with your partner.
How trust is rebuilt?
Rebuilding trust is without any doubt a challenging yet rewarding process. To fix a broken mirror one has to be meticulous and patient, this also applies to trust.
Rebuilding trust has different tips which include;
- Take responsibility: When you make a mistake don’t always anticipate betrayals, if someone complains about something you constantly do that upsets them make sure you study the complaint carefully to known if it is accurate or not.
If the complaint is accurate ensure that you look for ways to get rid of the character.
- Regain a sense of control: Don’t always feel like the universe is constantly bringing people that breaks your trust to you. This is absolutely not true, the people you attract to your life is based on your mindset.
If your mind believes that everyone you meet will break your trust, then that’s exactly the kind of people you will attract. Take control of your mind by affirming that you meet good and trustworthy people and the universe will make this belief a reality.
- Communicate your complaints without criticism: If your friend or partner lied to you there’s no need to criticize them behind their backs, talk to them about it and help them discontinue that habit. However, if your partner is unwilling to discontinue the habit you are completely free to stay away from them.
Avoid complaints use the power of effective communication to handle misunderstandings.
- Consult a therapist: Most times we need someone to guide this through our self-healing journey. Trust issues can arise as a result of abuse, abandonment issues, and neglect.
If you cannot handle the process alone seek the professional help of a therapist.
A lot of people in the world suffer from trust issues but they have no idea about it, they exhibit all the traits associated with trust issues but attribute it to be careful.
Don’t let your trust issues ruin the wonderful relationships you could have had, choose to achieve total freedom and live a less lonely life with more friends and family around you.